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How to Create Positive Emotional Spaces

Positivity continues to be buzz word at the moment, but how important is the expression of positivity by individuals in creating positive systems?. “Being positive” has been touted as the solution for almost every life dilemma/ailment/the cat rang away from home situation you can think of, but is simply expressing positivity like Ed Sheeran releases singles really the answer to creating happiness? Can the actions of one individual change the dynamics of a relationship, group or workplace environment?

Expression of positivity gained attention through the research of renowned psychologist, John Gottman. In the 1970s, Gottman began to conduct longitudinal studies examining the differences between happy and unhappy couples. The researchers asked couples to solve a problem in their relationship in just 15 minutes. The interactions were filmed and analysed, and amazingly, the researches were able to identify one factor which would predict with a 90% degree of accuracy if the couples stayed together or divorced.

The researchers identified that the key factor which differentiated happy and unhappy couples, was the balance of positive vs negative interactions during conflict. The magic ratio they identified was 5:1. For every negative interaction, a happy and stable relationship would also have five positive interactions. Couples with only a 1:1 ratio, or less, would indicate an unhealthy relationship.

So does this mean that there is a magic number of positive interactions we should have on a daily basis to help our relationships (and ourselves) to flourish?

Research into the “magic positivity number” continued, through the work of Social Psychologist Marcial Losada, who began to look at the role of positive and negative interactions on team performance. Through his research, Losada discovered that high performing teams have significantly higher positivity to negativity ratios than low performance teams. He calculated the “Losado Ratio” which is calculated by dividing the sum of positive interactions (“I agree with that,” “great idea!!” etc) in a system by the sum of negative interactions (“I don’t agree with you,” “we shouldn’t even consider that!!” etc). A ratio of between 3 and 6 was highly correlated with high performance. In Losada’s study, the highest performing teams showed nearly 6 positive comments for every negative comment that was made.

Do does this mean we should ditch negativity and start praising the crap out of our colleagues/loved ones/strangers in the street!? “Hello there, your hair looks so shiny today” etc?

Providing negative feedback has an important role in workplaces and relationships, guarding against factors like Groupthink (when a desire for group harmony results in poor decision making) and also complacency or poor performance. We sometimes need to hear negative feedback to enhance our performance and make positive changes. Also, if we don’t express our feelings to others, we can run the risk of becoming passive aggressive, or expressing our frustration in maladaptive ways.

The good news is…negative feedback can be given in constructive ways that maintain positive emotional spaces. Here are a few tips to maintain positivity, whilst also being open and honest about negative feedback:

Identifying mutual goals or areas of common ground when delivering negative feedback can help maintain a sense that you’re both on the same page. Finding opportunities for agreement even in the midst of a conflict can help buffer the stress of a difficult workplace conversation or an argument with a friend or partner.
Listen to and acknowledge the other person’s perspective. Just because you don’t agree with someone else’s perspective, doesn’t mean that you can’t show that you’ve heard and acknowledged where the other person is coming from. Validating or summarising the perspective of the other party will help them to feel heard and understood (i.e, “that makes sense to me, I can see why that was useful for you” etc).
Provide positive feedback about what the person is doing well. Positive feedback reinforces us to repeat a behaviour. Acknowledging and praising the things someone is good at is a great way to encourage them to repeat and build on that behaviour.
Use positive emotion to buffer a difficult conversation. Take opportunities to provide praise or encouragement, or if appropriate, using humour or playfulness (in a respectful manner) can help receive the tension that comes with a difficult conversation.
When expressing negative comments, avoid falling into the traps that can lead relationships to deteriorate (showing contempt, defensiveness or criticism, or using tactics like stonewalling or dismissing the other person.

Can you take notice of your style of communication in the office? At home? With your friends? Do you take time to express positive emotions? Like any behaviour change, change starts at an individual level, and reflecting on our own behaviours if the first step in creating change.

If you could use a higher dose of positivity, practice expressing more positive emotion in your workplace (such as paying compliments, giving praise, using humour, listening to others and acknowledging their perspective or validating others). Set yourself a goal of having 6 positive interactions with your team, and notice if the dynamics of the team change over the course of the day.

The biggest predictor of happiness

What is it that you feel you need in order to live the good life? Is it money, a good career, being able to enjoy creature comforts? What is it that keeps us happy throughout our lives?

A recent longitudinal study provides us with key insights into what matters most when it comes to happiness. The Harvard Study of Adult Development is the longest study of adult development that’s ever been done. The study involved tracking the lives of 75 men, asking them detailed questions about their health, work, family and their home lives. The participants in the study were a group of two men; the first, a group of Harvard graduates, and the second a group of men from Boston’s poorest suburbs.

The key findings of the study were:

Forget about wealth, fame and success – it’s good relationships that keep people happier and healthier
People with good social connections with family, friends and community are happier, healthier and live longer.
People who are more isolated than they want to be are less happy, have more declining health, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives.
It’s not the number of friends that you have, it’s the quality of your close relationships that counts!
High conflict relationships can be bad for our health!
Positive relationships can serve as a buffer against declining health as we age
With age, being in a secure relationship where we can count on the other person, can be protective for our brains (participants in their 80s in secure relationships had sharper memories than those who weren’t!!)

The study’s director, Robert Waldinger, concludes that “the good life begins with good relationships.”

This study is another reminder that for all the demands life places on us, positive relationships are worth prioritising over all!! Do you nurture your relationships? What can you do to feel more connected to family, friend or your community?

Positive Thinking: Can Self Talk and Positive Affirmations Increase your Performance?

Our minds are constantly chattering away with an internal dialogue, or “self talk.” Our self talk can be helpful, and can help to increase our confidence, mood or performance, or at times, self talk can be negative, which can lead to decreased confidence, performance difficulties and low mood.

Do you use positive thinking to help you get through tough situations, like public speaking, performances or even social situations? Does it work for you? Using positive affirmations or “positive self talk” is often praised as a key strategy to increase performance, and even to change our moods…but is self talk actually effective? Could simply replacing a negative thought with a positive one actually change how we feel and help us to perform better?

Some people like to use positive affirmations to increase their confidence (eg, “I’m great at X, I’m amazing!!” etc), but it’s important to use such affirmations with caution. If you don’t actually believe the content of a positive affirmation to be true, then it could backfire. A study by Wood, Perunovic & Lee (2003) evaluated the effectiveness of positive self statements. The results concluded that for people with low self esteem, positive self statements can be ineffective and can cause the person’s feelings about themselves and their mood to feel worse!! For people with high self esteem, positive self statements were shown to lead to a small increase in positive feelings and mood. The authors of the study outline that “Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, but backfire for the very people who ‘‘need’’ them the most.”

Self talk is a popular technique in the field of sports psychology, but there is surprisingly little evidence to support its benefit… however, Moran (2004) outlines that self talk may be useful in performances, as it can direct our attention to focus on key cues and demands related to a performance.

So with all this confusion, how can you best use self talk to support your performance in any given situation? Try the following tips:

Keep self talk positively phrased, emphasising what you should do, instead of what you should avoid. For example, “I can choose healthy food options”, rather than “don’t eat junk food!”, or “relax my shoulders and breath deeply” rather than “don’t make any mistakes!.”
Don’t use positive affirmations you don’t believe to be true – instead, find a statement that focuses your attention on something you can control or focus on.
Keep positive statements focused on things within your control, for example “Take a deep breath to relax,” “soft grip,” “focus on your posture,” “if I make a mistake, take a breath and start again” etc.
Keep it short and simple, and as vivid as possible, to focus your attention on cues relevant to the task. Try a trigger word related to performance cues like “relax”, “energise!” “soft tone” etc.
Use past successes to boost your confidence – rather than a general positive affirmation “I rock at public speaking!,” you could focus your self talk on a past successful performance “I felt confident when I gave a speech at last month’s team meeting and received great feedback!”

Do you ever use self talk to help you to focus at work, during sports, or when giving performances? Would you try this?

How to Beat Performance Anxiety

Brooks (2013) conducted a series of studies looking at performance anxiety across different settings including giving a speech, singing karaoke and completing a maths test.

The studies found that individuals who “reappraised” their anxiety into thoughts of excitement, performed better than people who told themselves to remain calm.

Trying to deal with pre-performance anxiety? Try re-framing your feelings of anxiety into thoughts of excitement! Try some positive self talk with simple phrases like “lets get excited!” or “I can’t wait to do this!!” This is more effective than attempting to calm down.

Also – remember, we have an optimum level of anxiety that helps us to perform better! A little bit of nerves may actually help you!! (Just don’t tell yourself to calm down!!)

What techniques do you use to beat pre-performance anxiety? Would you try this technique?