Everyone seems to be talking about a new study by Brummelman et al (2015), conducted in the Netherlands, which showed that children who are told that they are special and superior to other children are more likely to become narcissists. In turn, parents of narcissistic children may over-value the abilities of their children and make claims about the children’s abilities that may not be true.
The study calls for parental training, to encourage parents to develop healthy self esteem in children through parental warmth and encouragement, rather than inflating the children’s egos!! For example, children who are frequently told they are loved are more likely to have high self esteem, but not narcissism.
The researchers state:
“People with high self-esteem think they’re as good as others, whereas narcissists think they’re better than others”
Narcissism has it’s roots in genetics and temperamental traits, but this study shows that narcism may also be shaped by early socialisation experiences.
With this in mind, how do you foster healthy self esteem in your kids? Here are a few of my suggestions!!!
- Provide praise for specific accomplishments and achievements, such as working hard on a project or practising a skill
- Reinforce task mastery rather than task outcome – for example, if your child practises tennis every week but loses his game on the weekend, reinforce the process of mastering the skill of the game through each practice session, more so than the outcome of the game
- Reward your child for prosocial behaviour such as sharing or helping others
- Model fairness through your own behaviour
What would you try?