Have you ever noticed that sometimes couples seem to look alike? If it’s more than matching sweaters that has you and boyfy #twinning, then you are not alone! The latest Instagram account to go viral, @siblingsordating has people asking the age old question, “are they siblings, or are they dating!?” This made me wonder….what does the research say around attraction…. are we actually attracted to people who look like ourselves, or do we prefer those who appear different? Are we epic narcissists who seek out people who share our good looks or is this something that happens unconsciously? Do couples start to look alike once they start dating!? Read more to find out!!
Even though it’s said that opposites attract, when it comes to appearance, the research supports that we tend to be attracted to those who appear familiar to us.
It is generally believed that people tend to be attracted to and pair with others who resemble their parents, particular the opposite sex parent, or themselves. Several studies have shown that spouses tend to be more genetically similar than strangers. This could be because we’re familiar with our own appearances, so seeing other people who share those similar sorts of features might lead to more liking and feelings of familiarity and comfort, but it’s probably an unconscious process, more so than a deliberate attempt to find people who look the same as us.
- A 2013 study used composite photos which blended their partner’s face with either features from a random person’s face, or the participant’s own face. The participants preferred the image of their partner’s face with a small amount of their own face blended into it, over the images with other faces blended in.
- A study conducted in 2018, showed that people with biracial parents were more attracted to people who look like their parents, regardless of the gender of the parent.
Source: https://www.instagram.com/p/CGJMmb8hZWj/
Do couples start to look like each other over time?
With time, research shows that couples start to look more alike! A study in the late 80’s by Robert Zajonc, showed that Couples who originally had no particular resemblance to each other when first married had, after 25 years of marriage, come to resemble each other. Zajonc thought that this occurs because we become so close to our spouses, that we start to unconsciously mimic their facial expressions when we show empathy towards them. This makes changes in the facial muscles we regularly use, and the pattern of wrinkles on our face, which can change our faces subtly and make couple start to resemble each other.
However, dating those who are dissimilar from ourselves could be a good thing! A 2015 survey of 350,000 people showed the more distantly related an individual’s parents were the taller they tended to be, the higher they scored on cognitive tests and the better their levels of educational attainments. Booyah!
But is initial attraction everything? What about long term attraction?
The similarity might lead to the initial attraction, but sharing the same values is probably a better predictor of long term happiness. Good communication, shared interest and values are so important.
Renowned psychologist John Gottman’s research showed that happier couples have more positive communication than negative. For every negative interaction, a happy and stable relationship would also have five positive interactions. Couples with only a 1:1 ratio, or less, would indicate an unhealthy relationship.
So when you’re thinking about dating…remember that looks aren’t everything, but in the short term, don’t be surprised if your partner looks a bit like you!!
This post was originally based on a radio interview with ABC radio. To listed to the interview, click below:
References:
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550618794679
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167210377180
- https://www.nytimes.com/1987/08/11/science/long-married-couples-do-look-alike-study-finds.html
- https://www.nature.com/articles/nature14618
- https://journals.plos.org/plosgenetics/article?id=10.1371/journal.pgen.1006655#sec020
- https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0068395