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Boost your resilience

Resilience is a buzz word in workplaces at the moment….but what exactly is resilience, and how do we increase it?

There are varying definitions and ways of measuring resilience, but to put it simply, resilience is the psychological capacity to bounce back from setbacks. Some people are more resilient than others, and seem to cope with setbacks well, but for others, those same setbacks can be quite different. The important thing to remember, is that resilience can be practiced and built!!

There are several characteristics that resilient people often share. These include:

The ability to ask for help when needed, and to utilise the support network they have in place.
The ability to reflect on longer term goals and values when a setback comes along.
The ability to see failure and setbacks as a learning and growth opportunity.

Here are some of my favourite tips to help boost your resilience:

Get to know your own warning signs that indicate your stress levels may be feeling too high – what does it look like for you when you’re under more stress than you can cope with? What are those triggers at work and at home that send your stress levels sky rocketing? Once you’re aware of these warning signs and triggers, you can actively plan to manage them, by scheduling in activities that help you to cope, such as taking a lunch break, seeking support from your manager at work, going for a walk or to a yoga class, or whatever works for you.
Consider your reaction to the situation you’re in. Remember that no two people experience the same event in the same way – our thoughts and attitudes about an experience strongly colour the experience we then have. If you’re having a strong emotional reaction, ask yourself the question “is my reaction helping me with doing what I need to do” – if not, try and hold your perspective a little less tightly and focus on the things within your control.
Consider the coping style you’re adopting. There are three main types of coping style – problem focused, which involves doing things that directly impact the problem, emotion focused – which doesn’t change the problem, but helps deal with the emotions you’re experiencing in relation to the problem, and avoidant coping – which involves doing nothing at all. Problem focused coping has the best outcomes for wellbeing, if you can directly work to resolve the problem. However, if you’re feeling too emotional, or the problem is currently out of your control (ie, it’s 3am at night!) – engage in emotion focused coping to help relax, refocus and recharge until you can take action in regards to the problem.
Make time for positive emotions. Positive emotions are linked with increases in wellbeing, as well as increased creativity and problem solving ability (read more here!). Positive emotions can also serve as a buffer against stress and help you to physically recover from stress! The key takeaway here is that when you’re stressed, it’s more important than ever to do things you enjoy and that make you happy!!
Show some GRIT!! People with GRIT show high levels of passion and perseverance – people high in GRIT can outperform people high in IQ – a bit of GRIT can help you to succeed!! For more info, see this TED talk by Angela Lee Duckworth.
Consider how you perceive stress – can you embrace stress as a challenge, rather than as something harmful? See this TED talk by Kelly Mcgonigal for some information!!
Look after your physical health – if you’re eating well, exercising every day and sleeping 7-8 hours per night, you will be better equipped to cope with stress when it comes along.
When a setback comes along, ask yourself these questions:
- Which of my strengths can I draw upon to help get me through this.
- What could I learn from this setback? How could it help me to grow, or to see a bigger perspective?
- Who can I draw upon from my support network for help? Do I need practical support or emotional support? This question can help you determine who the best person may be to help. Are these services you can draw upon, or do you need help from your psychologist or GP.

Would you try these tips? What else helps you to cope with setbacks?

Don’t forget, if you feel like you’re having difficulty coping with a setback, you can talk to your GP, or contact LifeLine (Australia only) on 13 14 11.

3 Must Read Tips to Beat Anxiety

Throughout my life, anxiety has often got the better of me….capturing my attention and hooking it in with thoughts and worries about the past or the future….things I couldn’t control. At times worries have prevented me from doing things I enjoyed and held me back from challenges.

When anxiety comes, it’s like a weight on your shoulders….instead of engaging in life and enjoying the moment, thoughts simply weigh you down. However, it’s important to know that anxiety can be treated and managed.

Here are three of my favourite tips for reducing worry. Try these simple tips and see how they work for you. I suggest practicing them when you’re feeling good, so that you can learn them and then apply them during times of increased stress.

Slow your breath. Breathe in for 3 seconds, then out for 3 seconds. Repeat 10 times, and notice how you feel. Slowing your breath is key for controlling anxiety symptoms – slowing the breath will signals to your body to relax, and will help you to start to breathe more deeply (diaphragmatic breathing). You can do this technique anywhere!!
Try worry time. Spend 5 minutes each morning actively worrying (yes, that’s right!). By giving your worries the time of day they’re looking for, often they don’t distract us so much throughout the day. If you start to worry later in the day, put that thought aside for worry time tomorrow!! For full instructions on this techniques, see this detailed post on Worry Time
Practice mindfulness. Regular mindfulness practice can help us to unhook from our thoughts when they’re distracting us. Rather than trying to challenge our thoughts, mindfulness can help you to let go of your thoughts and maintain a focus on the present. Mindfulness is also relaxing and can be a fantastic way to unwind after a stressful day. Download a free app, such as Smiling Mind, and try practicing mindfulness for 10 minutes each day for a week, and notice how you feel! For more details on mindfulness, see this post.

Taking time out for self care is essential for managing anxiety. Would you try these tips? What else works for you when you’re feeling worried?

If you find that worry is interfering with day to day life, call Lifeline (Australia only) on 13 11 14 for free telephone counselling on a 24/7 basis, and see your GP for further help.

Worried? Try this simple technique to reduce your worries

Do you find yourself caught up in your worries? When my stress levels increase, I find that it’s easy to become distracted from the present and find myself caught up thinking about things outside of my control.

Whilst it’s normal for everyone to have worries, if you’re finding anxiety is getting the better of you, or you can’t seem to stop thinking about everything that’s going wrong, it might be time to schedule in some worry time!! “What!? Why you you want to worry even more!?” you ask.

Worry time is one of my favourite CBT techniques to help reduce ruminative worries. It’s worked well when I’ve taught it to clients, and I also found that it worked really well for me personally (particularly when going through stressful events or major life changes).

The reason worry time seems to work so well, is that by giving your worries the time of day they’re asking for, they become less scary, less over whelming and less daunting.. and they stop capturing your attention throughout the day, because you’ve made room for them.

So here’s how you do it!

Schedule in a time each day that you will devote purely to worrying!! Yes, you heard me!! It might seem crazy and paradoxical, but the point is that by allowing your worries some time of day, you may find that they aren’t so distressing any more….or that you even start to tire of thinking about them!! You might allocate 5 to 10 minutes per day – I strongly suggest doing this in the morning, not at night or before bed. During your worry time, set a timer or alarm to signal the end of your worry time.
During your worry time, think about all the worries that have been causing you stress. Give them time of day – if you run out of worries, repeat the ones you’ve already covered! You can say them silently in your mind, or you may find it easier to say them out aloud.
The first few days you try worry time, you may find this quite upsetting, but the more you practice, the easier it will become, and the less distressing the thoughts will feel. If you feel worked up after worry time, try taking some deep breaths, or having a hot shower to help you refocus.
The more you do this technique, you may even find that you find it difficult to fill your 5 – 10 minutes time slot, which means it’s beginning to work – you;re giving your thoughts the time of day they’ve been asking for, and they’re becoming not so scary and overwhelming anymore!!
Over the course of the day, if you find your worries popping into your mind, tell yourself that you will address these during your next worry time – you can even write yourself a reminder note if this helps. You may find that over the course of the day, you’re not as distracted by your worries, and better able to switch off from them. This will in turn help you to feel more in control of your thoughts and feelings.

If you like using apps, you can also download the Reach Out WorryTime App, which can help you structure your Worry Time and allow you to enter your worries as they pop up.

Would you try this technique? If you’re finding your worries are stopping you from doing the things you care about, or if you are feeling distressed, speak to your GP, or contact Lifeline, on 13 11 14.

Be Mindful

I’m a notorious multi-tasker. At the moment, I’ve got a load of washing on the go, am entertaining an eight month old baby, sterilising some bottles, writing a blog post, studying for a uni exam and have some trashy TV on in the background. Did I mention I also just ate some dark chocolate at so fast a pace I can barely remember eating it? Oh, and where did the glass of wine I just poured go? That’s right…I drank it at rocket speed (woooo)!! If you’re anything like me, you might on occasion (or on a regular basis…) find yourself on auto-pilot, racing through life so busy thinking about all the things you have to do that you lose sight of the present moment, and often miss out on fully engaging in the task at hand.

Pot and pot stand - Kmart

Do you ever find yourself so caught up in your thoughts that you miss out on all sorts of exciting things? Like realising that you’re halfway through a conversation with a friend, but you haven’t actually listened because you’re thinking about what a mess your house is, or you’re playing with the kids, but realise that instead of really engaging, you’re thinking about work stuff, financial stress etc…

This is where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness can be defined as “Paying attention on purpose, without judgment to our experience as it unfolds moment by moment” (Kabat-Zin, 1990).

Through regular practise of mindfulness, we can learn to remain in the present, allowing us to fully engage in the activity we are doing. Mindfulness allows us to “unhook” from our thoughts so that we can focus on what’s going on around us. A second key component of mindfulness is openness and non-judgement – this means that whilst even the most mindful of people will experience stressful thoughts, they are able to appraise them through a lens of curiosity, seeing those difficult thoughts as simply thoughts, which are neither good or bad, without the judgement and loading we usually attach to our thinking (the way we appraise our thinking subsequently affects the emotions we feel!!).

Mindfulness isn’t designed as a relaxation technique, but many people find that they feel more relaxed once they begin practising mindfulness.

“Great, where do I sign up?” you say! Just remember, like any new skill, learning mindfulness takes practice, practice, practice!! If you can allocate five to ten minutes a day to practice, you will be well on the way to improving your skills in mindfulness.

“but I barely have five minutes to shower, let alone sit and meditate!!” you say. Fear not – there are simple ways you can factor mindfulness practice into activities that you are already doing on a daily basis!! Here are some suggestions, but you can probably come up with some of your own once you get started.

Choose a particularly devious food that you enjoy (like a piece of dark chocolate). Put the piece of chocolate in your mouth, and instead of eating it faster than you can say “pass me some more,” try savouring the experience of eating the chocolate. Bring your full awareness to the chocolate. Notice the depth of flavour. Notice the smell of the chocolate. Notice the texture of the chocolate change as it melts in your mouth. Each time you find your mind wandering, gently unhook from the distracting thoughts, by bringing your awareness back to the sensory experience of eating the chocolate. If you get distracted from the delicious task at hand, remember that this is completely normal, and continue to draw your awareness back to the delicious, delicious chocolate. Repeat, as often as required 😉
Choose a tedious housework task that you don’t love, but have to do most days (this might be washing the dishes or hanging out the washing). We will use the example of washing the dishes – as you are washing the dishes, focus your awareness on the sound of the running water as you fill the sink. Notice the sound of the bubbles as you pour in the detergent. Notice the warmth of the water as you immerse your hands in to begin scrubbing the dishes. Listen for sounds – the clink of plates, the scrape of a fork on the bottom of the sink. Notice the feeling of the dishes, the slipperiness of the detergent, the feel of the bubbles. What can you feel? What can you see? Can you smell the scent of the detergent? As you do this task, your mind will wander (time and time again). Each time you notice that your mind has wandered, simply notice this has happened, and without judgement of the thoughts that have swept you away, bring your awareness back to the experience of the task of doing the dishes. Think of the task as an anchor, which you can use to bring your awareness back to the present, each time your mind wanders. If you find yourself caught up in your thoughts, try not to judge or appraise your thinking – if you need to label your thoughts, simply label them as “thinking,” then bring your awareness back to the feel, the sound, the smells etc of the task at hand.

So here are two techniques for “mindfulness on the fly.” They don’t take a lot of time, and can be factored in to your every day experiences. Just remember, the more you practice mindfulness, the better you will get!!

Would you try these techniques? I’d love to hear how you go.