Positive communication

How to Create Positive Emotional Spaces

by in compassion, kindness, mindfulness, positive psychology, Psychology, psychology 0

Positivity continues to be buzz word at the moment, but how important is the expression of positivity by individuals in creating positive systems?.  “Being positive” has been touted as the solution for almost every life dilemma/ailment/the cat rang away from home situation you can think of, but is simply expressing positivity like Ed Sheeran releases singles really the answer to creating happiness?  Can the actions of one individual change the dynamics of a relationship, group or workplace environment?

Expression of positivity gained attention through the research of renowned psychologist, John Gottman.  In the 1970s, Gottman began to conduct longitudinal studies examining the differences between happy and unhappy couples.   The researchers asked couples to solve a problem in their relationship in just 15 minutes.  The interactions were filmed and analysed, and amazingly, the researches were able to identify one factor which would predict with a 90% degree of accuracy if the couples stayed together or divorced.

The researchers identified that the key factor which differentiated happy and unhappy couples, was the balance of positive vs negative interactions during conflict.  The magic ratio they identified was 5:1.  For every negative interaction, a happy and stable relationship would also have five positive interactions.  Couples with only a 1:1 ratio, or less, would indicate an unhealthy relationship.

So does this mean that there is a magic number of positive interactions we should have on a daily basis to help our relationships (and ourselves) to flourish?

Research into the “magic positivity number” continued, through the work of Social Psychologist Marcial Losada, who began to look at the role of positive and negative interactions on team performance.  Through his research, Losada discovered that high performing teams have significantly higher positivity to negativity ratios than low performance teams.  He calculated the “Losado Ratio” which is calculated by dividing the sum of positive interactions (“I agree with that,” “great idea!!” etc) in a system by the sum of negative interactions (“I don’t agree with you,” “we shouldn’t even consider that!!” etc).  A ratio of between 3 and 6 was highly correlated with high performance.  In Losada’s study, the highest performing teams showed nearly 6 positive comments for every negative comment that was made.

Do does this mean we should ditch negativity and start praising the crap out of our colleagues/loved ones/strangers in the street!?  “Hello there, your hair looks so shiny today” etc?

Providing negative feedback has an important role in workplaces and relationships, guarding against factors like Groupthink (when a desire for group harmony results in poor decision making) and also complacency or poor performance.  We sometimes need to hear negative feedback to enhance our performance and make positive changes.  Also, if we don’t express our feelings to others, we can run the risk of becoming passive aggressive, or expressing our frustration in maladaptive ways.

The good news is…negative feedback can be given in constructive ways that maintain positive emotional spaces.  Here are a few tips to maintain positivity, whilst also being open and honest about negative feedback:

  1. Identifying mutual goals or areas of common ground when delivering negative feedback can help maintain a sense that you’re both on the same page.  Finding opportunities for agreement even in the midst of a conflict can help buffer the stress of a difficult workplace conversation or an argument with a friend or partner.
  2. Listen to and acknowledge the other person’s perspective.  Just because you don’t agree with someone else’s perspective, doesn’t mean that you can’t show that you’ve heard and acknowledged where the other person is coming from.  Validating or summarising the perspective of the other party will help them to feel heard and understood (i.e, “that makes sense to me, I can see why that was useful for you” etc).
  3. Provide positive feedback about what the person is doing well.  Positive feedback reinforces us to repeat a behaviour.  Acknowledging and praising the things someone is good at is a great way to encourage them to repeat and build on that behaviour.
  4. Use positive emotion to buffer a difficult conversation.  Take opportunities to provide praise or encouragement, or if appropriate, using humour or playfulness (in a respectful manner) can help receive the tension that comes with a difficult conversation.
  5. When expressing negative comments, avoid falling into the traps that can lead relationships to deteriorate (showing contempt, defensiveness or criticism, or using tactics like stonewalling or dismissing the other person.

Can you take notice of your style of communication in the office?  At home?  With your friends?  Do you take time to express positive emotions?  Like any behaviour change, change starts at an individual level, and reflecting on our own behaviours if the first step in creating change.

If you could use a higher dose of positivity, practice expressing more positive emotion in your workplace (such as paying compliments, giving praise, using humour, listening to others and acknowledging their perspective or validating others).  Set yourself a goal of having 6 positive interactions with your team, and notice if the dynamics of the team change over the course of the day.

Boost Wellbeing

5 important skills linked to greater physical and mental health

by in Psychology, Uncategorized 0

Many of us are looking for a simple answer or quick fix to improve our physical and mental wellbeing.  However, new research shows that a combination of life skills, which can be learned and built upon, may be key for reducing risk of depression and enhancing wellbeing into older age.

A study by Steptoe and Wardle (2017) examined 8000 participants over the age of 52 years old.  The findings of the study link 5 important life skills with a variety of benefits, including lower levels of depression, greater social connectedness, greater levels of subjective wellbeing, greater physical health in older adults and greater economic success.

The authors of the study outline that the combination of these five factors and can lead to greater wellbeing:

  • Concientiousness
  • Optimism
  • Emotional Stability
  • Sense of Personal Control
  • Determination

No one factor alone can account for the benefits outlined in the study, but instead an accumulation of the aforementioned life skills is important.  The authors suggest “fostering and maintaining these skills in adult life may be relevant for health and wellbeing at older ages.”

Individuals with the lowest rates of the five skills had a 23% rate of depression.  Those with the highest amounts of the skills, had a rate of just 3% who suffered from depression.

The good news is, is that if you feel you could improve in some of the skills mentioned above, these things can all be developed and built on.

Here are some simple tips I’ve put together to help you to increase these important skills:

  • Conscientiousness – if you’re not someone who is naturally conscientious, this can be a broad area to try and improve.  Focus on a small area at a time – for example, improving your punctuality by planning ahead the night before…or creating a plan or list of tasks that you’re going to complete the next day. Remember when planning, to be realistic about what you can achieve in a day so you don’t run the risk of overcommitting, then feeling you haven’t accomplished your goals.
  • Optimism – If you tend to see things from a pessimistic viewpoint, you may have a tendency to attribute good things to external successes, and bad things to internal, permanent causes….but this can be changed.  Reflect on a recent success or positive event in your life, and write down what you did that contributed to that success.  If you’re feeling doubtful or pessimistic about an event in the future, try asking others for their unique perspective, to help you to gain a more balanced view of the situation.
  • Emotional Stability – Practising mindfulness may be a simple way to improve your emotional stability.  Regular practice of mindfulness has been linked to improving mood fluctuations and having better control over mood throughout the day (see study here!!).  If you’re interested in practising some simple mindfulness mediations, try downloading a mindfulness app, such as Smiling Mind or Calm.
  • Sense of Control – If you’re feeling like life is often out of control, try setting yourself a small goal where you can measure and assess your progress.  Keeping a log of your baseline behaviours, then recording and monitoring your successes can be a great way of helping you to feel in control and to improve your self regulation.  It could be learning a new skill, or making a lifestyle change such as increasing your exercise or changing your diet.  Reflect on the hand work and effort that you put in to help make your goal a success.
  • Determination – Once you’ve set yourself a goal, aim to persevere, and avoid changing goals too soon.  Try and persevere and stick to the task you’ve set yourself.  If you set yourself a regular time to devote to your goal, you’re more likely to stick with it.

Would you try these tips?  Do you excel in any of these skill areas, or are there specific areas you feel you need improvement in?

If you’re finding that any of the skills mentioned above are holding you back, speak with your GP for a referral to a psychologist in your local area, or contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 (Australia only) for 24/7 telephone counselling support.