Homesickness is a normal human experience…but in 2020, with border closures and travel restrictions, homesickness has been intensified for many people. For many of us living away from home, a visit home during the holiday season can be enough to keep our feelings of homesickness at bay, but many of us have lost this opportunity during the craziness of 2020.
Homesickness is a bit like being in a space of transition between two worlds. We have our previous home, which may be our family home, which we have a strong sense of attachment to. This includes feelings of safety, security, routine and predictability. When we relocate or leave home, we may not yet have established the same sense of routine and security. We can feel quite uncertain in that space where we haven’t quite yet forged our new lives, and homesickness can feel like a lack of attachment and security when we’ve left behind our familiar worlds.
When we feel homesick, we often long for the predictability and stability of our usual lives and routines. It can feel a bit like a grief reaction, where we experience a longing or yearning for familiar people and places. We might become preoccupied with thoughts about home and what we’re missing, and have trouble focusing on other things. We might even idealise home, and perhaps forget about some of the things we don’t like so much about home, like the terrible coffee at the local cafe, or arguments with our siblings, and perhaps minimise some of the advantages of our new location.
When we experience homesickness, we may even experience symptoms which are similar to depression or anxiety. When we’re feeling sad or low, we may experience difficulty sleeping, poor concentration or reduced motivation….or on the other hand, if we’re anxious about not being able to get home to see our loved ones, we may experience stomach upsets, feelings of shakiness and feelings of our heart racing
However, if we try and ignore feelings of homesickness and hope that they will just disappear, often the emotion builds up and we can feel all the worse for it. Generally when we try and suppress our feelings, it doesn’t work, and the emotions can feel even stronger. Reminding yourself that emotions come in waves, and that no feeling lasts forever is important. Acknowledging how you feel is important, so that you give yourself a bit of self-compassion and care. When we allow a feeling to be there, it often will decrease in intensity. Keeping in touch with the people you’re missing is really important…but remember, it’s ok to be honest if you’re not having a good time – the pressure to have to present a picture perfect life can stop us from reaching out to others. Sharing how we feel can help us to feel validated by others and can allow us to express how we feel, which can also help reduce the intensity of the emotion.
So if you’re experiencing homesickness this holiday season, here are some tips you can try to help you to feel better:
- Keep up your usual routine – particularly your exercise routine – when we exercise, this helps reduce our cortisol levels, which can help us bounce back quicker from the bodies’s stress response.
- Focus on building a sense of “home” wherever you are now. Finding your new local gym, café, pizza place, yoga studio etc is important…making your new world feel familiar and comfortable will help bridge the gap between old home and new.
- Build new rituals in your home away from home. Especially around the holiday season, we can really miss our usual home traditions. Coming up with some rituals you do around the holidays in your new home is so important; it could be baking Christmas cookies and delivering them to your neighbours, watching a favourite movie on xmas, a Saturday walk around your local park etc.
- Find ways to take a piece of home with you – make your favourite recipes from home, or even try a Zoom dinner where both you and your loved ones make the same recipe and enjoy a virtual dinner together. Sending and receiving care packages with some of your favourite local treats can be a great way to connect with a piece of home!
- Stay connected with your loved ones regularly over the phone, zoom, email etc. Make a regular time to connect, and don’t be afraid to be open about being home sick.
- Connect with new people around you. You might be living in a different city, but this is the time to accept invitations that come your way, and try new things – joining classes, saying yes to work drinks or lunch invitations.
- Avoid putting home on a pedestal, or minimising the benefits of your new home. Practice some balanced reflection when you think about home and where you are now.
This post was originally prepared as part of an interview with Bern Young on ABC radio. To listen to the interview, click here:
