» JemPop Therapy

Does Homesickness Actually Hurt??

Homesickness is a normal human experience…but in 2020, with border closures and travel restrictions, homesickness has been intensified for many people. For many of us living away from home, a visit home during the holiday season can be enough to keep our feelings of homesickness at bay, but many of us have lost this opportunity during the craziness of 2020.

Homesickness is a bit like being in a space of transition between two worlds. We have our previous home, which may be our family home, which we have a strong sense of attachment to. This includes feelings of safety, security, routine and predictability. When we relocate or leave home, we may not yet have established the same sense of routine and security. We can feel quite uncertain in that space where we haven’t quite yet forged our new lives, and homesickness can feel like a lack of attachment and security when we’ve left behind our familiar worlds.

When we feel homesick, we often long for the predictability and stability of our usual lives and routines. It can feel a bit like a grief reaction, where we experience a longing or yearning for familiar people and places. We might become preoccupied with thoughts about home and what we’re missing, and have trouble focusing on other things. We might even idealise home, and perhaps forget about some of the things we don’t like so much about home, like the terrible coffee at the local cafe, or arguments with our siblings, and perhaps minimise some of the advantages of our new location.

When we experience homesickness, we may even experience symptoms which are similar to depression or anxiety. When we’re feeling sad or low, we may experience difficulty sleeping, poor concentration or reduced motivation….or on the other hand, if we’re anxious about not being able to get home to see our loved ones, we may experience stomach upsets, feelings of shakiness and feelings of our heart racing

However, if we try and ignore feelings of homesickness and hope that they will just disappear, often the emotion builds up and we can feel all the worse for it. Generally when we try and suppress our feelings, it doesn’t work, and the emotions can feel even stronger. Reminding yourself that emotions come in waves, and that no feeling lasts forever is important. Acknowledging how you feel is important, so that you give yourself a bit of self-compassion and care. When we allow a feeling to be there, it often will decrease in intensity. Keeping in touch with the people you’re missing is really important…but remember, it’s ok to be honest if you’re not having a good time – the pressure to have to present a picture perfect life can stop us from reaching out to others. Sharing how we feel can help us to feel validated by others and can allow us to express how we feel, which can also help reduce the intensity of the emotion.

So if you’re experiencing homesickness this holiday season, here are some tips you can try to help you to feel better:

Keep up your usual routine – particularly your exercise routine – when we exercise, this helps reduce our cortisol levels, which can help us bounce back quicker from the bodies’s stress response.
Focus on building a sense of “home” wherever you are now. Finding your new local gym, café, pizza place, yoga studio etc is important…making your new world feel familiar and comfortable will help bridge the gap between old home and new.
Build new rituals in your home away from home. Especially around the holiday season, we can really miss our usual home traditions. Coming up with some rituals you do around the holidays in your new home is so important; it could be baking Christmas cookies and delivering them to your neighbours, watching a favourite movie on xmas, a Saturday walk around your local park etc.
Find ways to take a piece of home with you – make your favourite recipes from home, or even try a Zoom dinner where both you and your loved ones make the same recipe and enjoy a virtual dinner together. Sending and receiving care packages with some of your favourite local treats can be a great way to connect with a piece of home!
Stay connected with your loved ones regularly over the phone, zoom, email etc. Make a regular time to connect, and don’t be afraid to be open about being home sick.
Connect with new people around you. You might be living in a different city, but this is the time to accept invitations that come your way, and try new things – joining classes, saying yes to work drinks or lunch invitations.
Avoid putting home on a pedestal, or minimising the benefits of your new home. Practice some balanced reflection when you think about home and where you are now.

This post was originally prepared as part of an interview with Bern Young on ABC radio. To listen to the interview, click here:

Are these couples SIBLINGS OR DATING!? Are we attracted to those who look like ourselves?

Have you ever noticed that sometimes couples seem to look alike? If it’s more than matching sweaters that has you and boyfy #twinning, then you are not alone! The latest Instagram account to go viral, @siblingsordating has people asking the age old question, “are they siblings, or are they dating!?” This made me wonder….what does the research say around attraction…. are we actually attracted to people who look like ourselves, or do we prefer those who appear different? Are we epic narcissists who seek out people who share our good looks or is this something that happens unconsciously? Do couples start to look alike once they start dating!? Read more to find out!!

Even though it’s said that opposites attract, when it comes to appearance, the research supports that we tend to be attracted to those who appear familiar to us.

It is generally believed that people tend to be attracted to and pair with others who resemble their parents, particular the opposite sex parent, or themselves. Several studies have shown that spouses tend to be more genetically similar than strangers. This could be because we’re familiar with our own appearances, so seeing other people who share those similar sorts of features might lead to more liking and feelings of familiarity and comfort, but it’s probably an unconscious process, more so than a deliberate attempt to find people who look the same as us.

A 2013 study used composite photos which blended their partner’s face with either features from a random person’s face, or the participant’s own face. The participants preferred the image of their partner’s face with a small amount of their own face blended into it, over the images with other faces blended in.
A study conducted in 2018, showed that people with biracial parents were more attracted to people who look like their parents, regardless of the gender of the parent.

Source: https://www.instagram.com/p/CGJMmb8hZWj/

Do couples start to look like each other over time?

With time, research shows that couples start to look more alike! A study in the late 80’s by Robert Zajonc, showed that Couples who originally had no particular resemblance to each other when first married had, after 25 years of marriage, come to resemble each other. Zajonc thought that this occurs because we become so close to our spouses, that we start to unconsciously mimic their facial expressions when we show empathy towards them. This makes changes in the facial muscles we regularly use, and the pattern of wrinkles on our face, which can change our faces subtly and make couple start to resemble each other.

However, dating those who are dissimilar from ourselves could be a good thing! A 2015 survey of 350,000 people showed the more distantly related an individual’s parents were the taller they tended to be, the higher they scored on cognitive tests and the better their levels of educational attainments. Booyah!

But is initial attraction everything? What about long term attraction?

The similarity might lead to the initial attraction, but sharing the same values is probably a better predictor of long term happiness. Good communication, shared interest and values are so important.

Renowned psychologist John Gottman’s research showed that happier couples have more positive communication than negative. For every negative interaction, a happy and stable relationship would also have five positive interactions. Couples with only a 1:1 ratio, or less, would indicate an unhealthy relationship.

So when you’re thinking about dating…remember that looks aren’t everything, but in the short term, don’t be surprised if your partner looks a bit like you!!

This post was originally based on a radio interview with ABC radio. To listed to the interview, click below:

References:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550618794679
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167210377180
https://www.nytimes.com/1987/08/11/science/long-married-couples-do-look-alike-study-finds.html
https://www.nature.com/articles/nature14618
https://journals.plos.org/plosgenetics/article?id=10.1371/journal.pgen.1006655#sec020
https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0068395

How to Cope with Corona Virus Anxiety

Many of us are experiencing stress and anxiety about the Corona Virus Pandemic. Firstly, it’s important to remember that anxiety is a normal response during a stressful situation. Acknowledging these feelings is important, rather than trying to push them away or struggle with them. A normal amount of anxiety motivates us to do the important stuff, like engage in correct hand washing techniques and adhere to social distancing. However, if you’re finding that your anxiety is stopping you from doing your usual activities or interfering with things that are important to you, then it might be time to seek some help.

Here are 5 simple tips you can try to help you reduce your anxiety during this stressful time.

Calm Your Anxiety Response

Our body’s fight or flight response has evolved to protect us from danger, by preparing us for fight or flight in response to a threat. What can happen when we’re worrying is that our fight or flight response becomes activated, even though there is no actual danger there. Even though we’re worrying about things that haven’t necessarily happened yet, our body responds in the same way it would if we were fleeing from danger. Learning to calm the body’s fight or flight mechanism when it’s not needed is really important.

Slowing your breathing down activates our parasympathetic nervous system, which is our body’s own natural calming mechanism. A simple technique you can try is breathing in for 4 seconds, holding for 2 seconds, then exhaling for 6. For a simple video version of this technique, click here.

Make time for Positive Emotion

Often when we’re under stress, we stop doing the things we enjoy. When we’re caught up in negative emotion, our thinking becomes much more narrow and negative. Our mood is also affected – when we’re not doing the things we enjoy, we can start to feel low. Positive emotions are beneficial for our wellbeing and can help us bounce back from the body’s stress response. Also, according to the Broaden and Build Theory, positive emotions change the way we think, and can help us think more creatively and expansively. Even if you don’t feel like it, making time for positive activities that you enjoy is likely to help boost your mood, and help you to bounce back quicker from stress!

Look after your Physical Health

Keeping our physical health in good shape is an important buffer against the effects of stress. Making sure we’re getting adequate sleep and exercise, as well as eating a healthy diet is essential. Getting 7-8 hours of sleep per night will help improve your mood, and give you the energy to engage in exercise and other healthy behaviours.

Making sure that you’re moving every day is important. 30 minutes of exercise per day is great for our mental and physical health. Make sure you pick something you enjoy – whether it’s walking, dancing or lifting weights, picking something you love will help you to stay consistent. Exercise helps reduce our stress levels by reducing our cortisol levels, which is one of our bodies’ primary stress hormones.

Making sure that you are eating regularly, and having a balanced diet is also important. Skipping meals can contribute to feelings of anxiety, so make sure you’re planning ahead so you stick to 3 healthy meals, plus snacks.

Focus on Acts of Kindness

When we perform acts of kindness, this can lead to increases in our feelings of wellbeing, as well as increase our social bonds. When you’re feeling stressed, focusing on how we can help others can be a great way to gain a sense of control and to improve your mood. It might be small gestures, such as calling an elderly relative, or picking up some extra groceries for a neighbour. For more information about kindness and wellbeing, click here.

Focus on the Things within your Control

It can feel really overwhelming when we don’t have a lot of information or the ability to change the situation. Stay focused on the things that are in your control. That might be gathering accurate information from credible sources such as major newspapers or government websites, and adhering to social distancing requirements. If you’re finding the news cycle overwhelming, choosing to tune in just once per day can be a good strategy to reduce your anxiety around the constant bombardment of Corona news.

Focus on the other things within your control such as things that help you to relax or to feel good.

Let go of Unhelpful Thinking

We often have thoughts or worries which are unhelpful or make us feel worse. Simply noticing that a thought is unhelpful is a great way to gain a bit more distance from your thinking.

Practicing mindfulness is also a great strategy to become better at letting go of your thoughts, without judging them. Try a Mindfulness App such as Smiling Mind, Calm and Headspace, if you’re interested in adding mindfulness practice into your daily routine.

Please click here for the YouTube Version of this post.

I hope these techniques help. If you’re struggling with anxiety, see you GP for a mental health care plan, or contact lifeline on 13 11 14 for free telephone counselling.

5 Simple Tips to Build Unshakable Confidence

I can confess that on many occasions I’ve missed out on fantastic opportunities for fear of failure or rejection. Low confidence can hold us back from achieving our goals and living our dreams. Confidence is not an easy thing to build. Sometimes, depending on the circumstance, our confidence can fluctuate. In today’s world, we’re often comparing ourselves to others which leads us to focus on the things we don’t have.

Today’s article shares 5 simple tips based on research, which may help you to build your confidence and to smash your goals!

Watch the YouTube version of this post by clicking here.

Tip 1#: Change your body language

Our body language plays a powerful role in how we feel. Have you ever noticed that when you’re feeling nervous or shy, that your posture changes…we may hunch our shoulders, fold our arms or fidget..we might look at our phones in an effort to appear busy…. We may even talk faster or more quietly. Social Psychologist Amy Cuddy states that powerful people are more assertive and more confident – powerful people use more open and expansive postures, they make themselves bigger through taking up more space, and may take up more time by speaking slowly and clearly.

Amy Cuddy offers an easy life hack to change your confidence, simply by changing your posture for just two minutes. She calls this Power Posing. Power posing involves spending two minutes holding a powerful postural pose – such as the classic Wonder Woman pose. Cuddy’s research has demonstrated that when people hold power poses for two minutes, they feel more confident. Before you go into a stressful situation, such as a job interview or difficult conversation, sneak into a private space and spend two minutes holding a power pose.

When you enter the situation, you don’t need to hold the power pose by any means, but be mindful of your body language– focus on keeping your shoulders back and chest forward, making eye contact, use open gestures and avoid collapsing your arms or wringing your hands. You can even try using props to keep your arms from collapsing in – for example, holding an object, or placing your hand on the desk to force yourself to stretch out, rather than collapse in. Speak slowly and clearly and avoid rushing through what you’re saying.

Cuddy states “Don’t fake it til you make it…fake it until you become it!”

Tip #2: Stay present in the moment

Often when we feel less confident, our focus drifts away from the situation itself, and turns inwards. Rather than being present in a conversation, you may be busy thinking about what you’re going to say next, or whether you have anything interesting to contribute to the conversation. However, when this happens, we appear less present and distracted, and others may perceive that we’re not interested in talking to them. Practice using active listening skills, and genuinely listening to what the other person has to say. When we listen and engage we appear more present, and confident. Maintain good eye contact, show the person you are listening but acknowledging what they’re saying, and ask them questions about their experience to show you are engaged. If we’re nervous in a social setting, we may reach for our phones in an attempt to look busy, but this may make others perceive you as uninterested in the situation, so avoid the temptation to look at your phone!

Don’t underestimate the power of distraction – feeling like you’re drifting off into your own thoughts or insecurities? An easy way to get present is to spend a few minutes to use your senses – notice 5 things you can see in the room, 5 sounds you can hear, and 5 things you can touch or feel.

Tip #3: Make self-care a priority

Increase your positive health behaviours – exercising on a daily basis and eating a nutritious diet can help us to feel more confident. When we feel at our best physically, we feel more confident. When we exercise regularly, it increases levels of feel good chemicals including serotonin and endorphins and also helps us to reduce stress levels.

A 2016 study published in the Journal of Neuropsychiatric disease and treatment showed that there is a direct link between physical exercise and self-esteem. The study also showed that participants who regularly engage in physical activity, not only have higher self-esteem, but have a better sense of body image, through the opportunity to increase strength and muscle tone and to improve flexibility, strength and balance.

Don’t forget to get adequate sleep and to nourish your body with healthy food!

Tip #4: Stop comparing yourself to others

Do you compare you compare yourself to others? Many of us compare our looks, our possessions, our jobs and salaries with those around us. This can lead us to feel like we’re not good enough and reduce our confidence. When we compare ourselves to others, we often experience envy.

A 2018 study published in the journal of Personality and Individual Differences showed that envy is associated with self-esteem instability and that the more envy we experience, the worse we feel about ourselves!

Next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, or experiencing envy, remember that self-comparison reduces our confidence and leads us to focus on what we don’t have…not what we do have. Stop and reflect on your own strengths and achievements. A simple tool you can try to improve this is to create a list of your strengths, achievements and the things you are grateful for. Try and add to your list regularly and keep is somewhere where you can easily read it.

Tip #5: Practice having self-compassion

Remember that we all make mistakes, and as humans, all of us have had experience in saying the wrong thing, making mistakes…none of us are perfect but in today’s world, many of us develop unrealistic or perfectionistic standards for ourselves. When we hold incredibly high standards for ourselves, often we can be our own worst critics if we make a mistake or fail sometimes. For perfectionists, even when a task is completed, they may focus on the things they don’t think they did well.

Psychologist Kristen Neff suggests practicing self-compassion as an alternative to chasing self-esteem. Our self-esteem can fluctuate based on what’s happening in our lives, or comparisons to others, which can lead us to feel inadequate.

Self-compassion “is a way to feel good about ourselves which isn’t contingent on others and doesn’t require us to be perfect”. “Treat yourself like you would treat a close friend who was struggling”. – Kristen Neff.

A 2008 study published in the journal of Personality showed that “self‐compassion predicted more stable feelings of self‐worth than self‐esteem and was less contingent on particular outcomes. Self‐compassion also had a stronger negative association with social comparison, public self‐consciousness, self‐rumination, anger, and need for cognitive closure.”

Here are some simple techniques you can try to cultivate self-compassion:

Notice when you’re using negative self-talk, and reframe with compassionate self talk which acknowledges that all humans struggle sometimes. Try maintaining a focus on the things you have achieved or done well, rather than the things you haven’t.
In her book “Self-Compassion”, Kristen Neff suggests this simple exercise when you’re experiencing negative emotion. This could be something you try after experiencing a failure or setback:
- It’s hard to feel (XXX) right now)
- Feeling (XYZ) is a part of the human experience
- What can I do to make myself happier in this moment?

Remember that building your confidence doesn’t happen over night, and is a holistic process that you can approach from many angles. I hope these tips help you to boost your confidence (and to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself when setbacks come along!) Don’t forget most importantly to be yourself, own it and make no apologies for who you are!!

References

Journal Articles

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2008.00537.x

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886917306499?via%3Dihub

https://www.dovepress.com/physical-activity-and-self-esteem-testing-direct-and-indirect-relation-peer-reviewed-article-NDT

Web Articles

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-boost-your-self-confidence-4163098

Books

Cuddy, A. (2016). Presence. Orion Books: United Kingdom

Neff, K (2011) Self Compassion. Harper Collins: New York

TED Talks

5 Simple Ways to Reduce Procrastination and Improve Time Management

Are you guilty of procrastinating? Do you spend more time engaging in morning banter by the water-cooler than you do at your desk? Are you working hard, or are you #hardlyworking!? We’ve all been there!

Getting focused and achieving the things we need to do can be tough. In turn, when we procrastinate, this can stop us from achieving key goals. If procrastinating is so disruptive, why do we do it!?

Many of us blame laziness or lack of care as reasons for procrastination, but often this is far from the case!!

A simple reason as to why we procrastinate, is often because we’re experiencing uncomfortable feelings of stress or anxiety about the task we are avoiding. We could be worried that the task is difficult, or more importantly, we may be worrying about whether there is a chance we could actually fail at the task.

Often when we feel threatened, it feels easier to avoid (by procrastinating!) than to face the difficult task itself. Procrastination may even serve as a form of self-sabotage if it starts to interfere with important life goals. Research shows that self-sabotage is a strategy we use to protect ourselves from the painful feelings of potential failure. It’s easy to blame procrastination or “not having enough time” than it is to admit that we genuinely struggled with a task.

Unfortunately, procrastination or avoidance might help us get a feeling of relief in the short term, because we don’t have to face the dreaded task we’re worried about….but in the longer term, our feelings of stress and anxiety often increase when we procrastinate, and we may even start to experience emotions such as guilt and shame if we haven’t achieved the goal we set about to achieve.

So how can we reduce procrastination? Here are my top five tips to help beat procrastination and get down to business!

Reflect on your triggers for procrastination. Do you have a difficult task such as calling difficult customers, having a tough conversation with a colleague or working on a challenging report that you always try and avoid? Recognising the tasks that cause your anxiety to increase can help you to better manage those tasks. If you know you have a difficult call scheduled, plan to allow yourself time to prepare, and to take a coffee break after to de-stress and relax before your next task.
Get the most difficult task out of the way first. Many of us leave the tasks we are dreading until the end of the day…but often when we know we have something really difficult to work on, our anxiety can increase, and we may find excuses simple not to get to the tough task. Getting a difficult task out of the way quickly will help relieve your anxiety and give you feelings of accomplishment. You’ll feel better for the rest of the day knowing that it’s out of the way.
Try the Pomodoro Technique. This technique involves setting a timer for 25 minutes, and focusing on a single task during this time. Ensure you remain distraction free during this time. After 25 minutes, you can take a 5 minute break to relax. See how many Pomodoro’s you can get done in a day!
Write a list of your three most important tasks to complete for the day: To-do lists can be overwhelming, and often leave us feeling unsure of where to start. At the beginning of the day reflect on three things that are essential to achieve in the day. Focus on those three critical things and create a plan for how to best use your time.
Disconnect to minimise distractions: When attempting to work, we’re often also receiving text messages, emails, Facebook Messages, Whatsapp messages, news blasts, newsletters and all kinds of other alerts. When working on an important task, try closing your email down for an hour, and turn your phone onto flight mood. This will allow you to keep your attention where it most needs to be.

Would you try these tips? What are your most common ways to procrastinate? Water-cooler banter? Coffee and cake breaks? Coming up with pointless busywork to do instead of the actual important work? I’d love to hear about your favourite procrastination methods!!!

My Brand New YouTube Channel Now Live!!

I’m so excited to announce the launch of Pop Therapy TV, my brand new YouTube Channel!! We went live last night, with a brand new video, all about gratitude!!

The concept of Gratitude is a huge buzz word at the moment….everywhere I go, there are gratitude diaries, apps and people praising the benefits of gratitude….but is there any research to support it can enhance our wellbeing, and in what ways does being grateful do this? This VLOG covers some simple techniques you can try to start your gratitude practice and also explores the dark side of gratitude.

If you would like to watch the VLOG or to subscribe, please head over to:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiBMLWPkJVxy8q_M-wVMBlQ/

I’ll be sharing some brand new blog articles with you in the coming weeks!!

Thanks for reading and being a loyal follower of Pop Therapy!!

xox

Jem

How to Create Positive Emotional Spaces

Positivity continues to be buzz word at the moment, but how important is the expression of positivity by individuals in creating positive systems?. “Being positive” has been touted as the solution for almost every life dilemma/ailment/the cat rang away from home situation you can think of, but is simply expressing positivity like Ed Sheeran releases singles really the answer to creating happiness? Can the actions of one individual change the dynamics of a relationship, group or workplace environment?

Expression of positivity gained attention through the research of renowned psychologist, John Gottman. In the 1970s, Gottman began to conduct longitudinal studies examining the differences between happy and unhappy couples. The researchers asked couples to solve a problem in their relationship in just 15 minutes. The interactions were filmed and analysed, and amazingly, the researches were able to identify one factor which would predict with a 90% degree of accuracy if the couples stayed together or divorced.

The researchers identified that the key factor which differentiated happy and unhappy couples, was the balance of positive vs negative interactions during conflict. The magic ratio they identified was 5:1. For every negative interaction, a happy and stable relationship would also have five positive interactions. Couples with only a 1:1 ratio, or less, would indicate an unhealthy relationship.

So does this mean that there is a magic number of positive interactions we should have on a daily basis to help our relationships (and ourselves) to flourish?

Research into the “magic positivity number” continued, through the work of Social Psychologist Marcial Losada, who began to look at the role of positive and negative interactions on team performance. Through his research, Losada discovered that high performing teams have significantly higher positivity to negativity ratios than low performance teams. He calculated the “Losado Ratio” which is calculated by dividing the sum of positive interactions (“I agree with that,” “great idea!!” etc) in a system by the sum of negative interactions (“I don’t agree with you,” “we shouldn’t even consider that!!” etc). A ratio of between 3 and 6 was highly correlated with high performance. In Losada’s study, the highest performing teams showed nearly 6 positive comments for every negative comment that was made.

Do does this mean we should ditch negativity and start praising the crap out of our colleagues/loved ones/strangers in the street!? “Hello there, your hair looks so shiny today” etc?

Providing negative feedback has an important role in workplaces and relationships, guarding against factors like Groupthink (when a desire for group harmony results in poor decision making) and also complacency or poor performance. We sometimes need to hear negative feedback to enhance our performance and make positive changes. Also, if we don’t express our feelings to others, we can run the risk of becoming passive aggressive, or expressing our frustration in maladaptive ways.

The good news is…negative feedback can be given in constructive ways that maintain positive emotional spaces. Here are a few tips to maintain positivity, whilst also being open and honest about negative feedback:

Identifying mutual goals or areas of common ground when delivering negative feedback can help maintain a sense that you’re both on the same page. Finding opportunities for agreement even in the midst of a conflict can help buffer the stress of a difficult workplace conversation or an argument with a friend or partner.
Listen to and acknowledge the other person’s perspective. Just because you don’t agree with someone else’s perspective, doesn’t mean that you can’t show that you’ve heard and acknowledged where the other person is coming from. Validating or summarising the perspective of the other party will help them to feel heard and understood (i.e, “that makes sense to me, I can see why that was useful for you” etc).
Provide positive feedback about what the person is doing well. Positive feedback reinforces us to repeat a behaviour. Acknowledging and praising the things someone is good at is a great way to encourage them to repeat and build on that behaviour.
Use positive emotion to buffer a difficult conversation. Take opportunities to provide praise or encouragement, or if appropriate, using humour or playfulness (in a respectful manner) can help receive the tension that comes with a difficult conversation.
When expressing negative comments, avoid falling into the traps that can lead relationships to deteriorate (showing contempt, defensiveness or criticism, or using tactics like stonewalling or dismissing the other person.

Can you take notice of your style of communication in the office? At home? With your friends? Do you take time to express positive emotions? Like any behaviour change, change starts at an individual level, and reflecting on our own behaviours if the first step in creating change.

If you could use a higher dose of positivity, practice expressing more positive emotion in your workplace (such as paying compliments, giving praise, using humour, listening to others and acknowledging their perspective or validating others). Set yourself a goal of having 6 positive interactions with your team, and notice if the dynamics of the team change over the course of the day.

Fresh Strawberry Cupcakes

Everyone knows I love a good cupcake (a little too much!). When I was looking for a new flavour idea, fresh strawberry cupcakes seemed so delightful. The humble strawberry is often left out of cupcakes in favour of our friend artificial strawberry flavouring….these cupcakes have a whole punnet of strawberry goodness in the cakes, then some more in the icing for good measure. What’s not to love about them? If it wasn’t for the butter, sugar and flour, they’d practically be health food! 🙂

Ingredients:

2/3 cup to 1 cup fresh strawberries, washed and hulled
1/4 cup whole milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1.5 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt10 tablespoons butter, softened to room temperature
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
For the Strawberry Cupcake Icing
1/2 cup butter, softened
3.5 cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2-3 teaspoons milk
1/2 cup chopped fresh strawberries
Pink Food colouring (optional)

Method

Preheat oven to 180 degrees celcius. Line a muffin tin with cupcake wrappers or grease with butter.
Place strawberries in a blender or food processor and puree until smooth. You will need enough strawberries to yield 1/2 cup strawberry puree. Mix strawberry puree with milk and vanilla. Set aside.
In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.
In a large bowl, cream butter 1 minute. Add sugar, beating well. Beat in eggs.
Alternately add half the strawberry mixture, then half the flour mixture, mixing until blended. Use an ice cream scoop or large spoon to fill muffin tins.
Bake 20 to 22 minutes. Cool strawberry cupcakes 10 minutes in muffin tins, then transfer to wire racks to finish cooling.
Make strawberry cupcake icing: Beat butter and sugar with an electric mixer until smooth and fluffy. Add vanilla and 1 tsp. of milk. If frosting is too thick, beat in another teaspoon or two of milk until icing reaches desired consistency. Stir in chopped strawberries. I added pink food colouring to mine, but if you leave this out, you will see the lovely pink flecks from the strawberries.
Frost completely cooled strawberry cupcakes with fresh strawberry icing.

What’s your favourite cupcake flavour? Would you give these strawberry bad-boys a go? Serve with a glass of Rose for an added treat!!

5 important skills linked to greater physical and mental health

Many of us are looking for a simple answer or quick fix to improve our physical and mental wellbeing. However, new research shows that a combination of life skills, which can be learned and built upon, may be key for reducing risk of depression and enhancing wellbeing into older age.

A study by Steptoe and Wardle (2017) examined 8000 participants over the age of 52 years old. The findings of the study link 5 important life skills with a variety of benefits, including lower levels of depression, greater social connectedness, greater levels of subjective wellbeing, greater physical health in older adults and greater economic success.

The authors of the study outline that the combination of these five factors and can lead to greater wellbeing:

Concientiousness
Optimism
Emotional Stability
Sense of Personal Control
Determination

No one factor alone can account for the benefits outlined in the study, but instead an accumulation of the aforementioned life skills is important. The authors suggest “fostering and maintaining these skills in adult life may be relevant for health and wellbeing at older ages.”

Individuals with the lowest rates of the five skills had a 23% rate of depression. Those with the highest amounts of the skills, had a rate of just 3% who suffered from depression.

The good news is, is that if you feel you could improve in some of the skills mentioned above, these things can all be developed and built on.

Here are some simple tips I’ve put together to help you to increase these important skills:

Conscientiousness – if you’re not someone who is naturally conscientious, this can be a broad area to try and improve. Focus on a small area at a time – for example, improving your punctuality by planning ahead the night before…or creating a plan or list of tasks that you’re going to complete the next day. Remember when planning, to be realistic about what you can achieve in a day so you don’t run the risk of overcommitting, then feeling you haven’t accomplished your goals.
Optimism – If you tend to see things from a pessimistic viewpoint, you may have a tendency to attribute good things to external successes, and bad things to internal, permanent causes….but this can be changed. Reflect on a recent success or positive event in your life, and write down what you did that contributed to that success. If you’re feeling doubtful or pessimistic about an event in the future, try asking others for their unique perspective, to help you to gain a more balanced view of the situation.
Emotional Stability – Practising mindfulness may be a simple way to improve your emotional stability. Regular practice of mindfulness has been linked to improving mood fluctuations and having better control over mood throughout the day (see study here!!). If you’re interested in practising some simple mindfulness mediations, try downloading a mindfulness app, such as Smiling Mind or Calm.
Sense of Control – If you’re feeling like life is often out of control, try setting yourself a small goal where you can measure and assess your progress. Keeping a log of your baseline behaviours, then recording and monitoring your successes can be a great way of helping you to feel in control and to improve your self regulation. It could be learning a new skill, or making a lifestyle change such as increasing your exercise or changing your diet. Reflect on the hand work and effort that you put in to help make your goal a success.
Determination – Once you’ve set yourself a goal, aim to persevere, and avoid changing goals too soon. Try and persevere and stick to the task you’ve set yourself. If you set yourself a regular time to devote to your goal, you’re more likely to stick with it.

Would you try these tips? Do you excel in any of these skill areas, or are there specific areas you feel you need improvement in?

If you’re finding that any of the skills mentioned above are holding you back, speak with your GP for a referral to a psychologist in your local area, or contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 (Australia only) for 24/7 telephone counselling support.

Easy (and impressive) lemon tart

So it’s been far too long since I’ve posted a lemon flavoured baked good post….or any post as a matter of fact. With returning to self employment, as well as 9 weeks of solo parenting whilst Lachy was away on tour, life has been getting on top of me.

I’ve feel like I’m been on a never ending treadmill of work, parenting and housework….but I’ve decided to stop and reflect on what’s important to me… I’ve found that it’s easy to stop doing the things you enjoy when life gets tough, but the opposite should be true. So now I’m making a point of keeping a focus on the bright side of life – this means more blog posts, picking up my guitar again and spending more time exercising….and of course, more lemon flavoured baked goods.

On that note – please enjoy this easy and delicious lemon tart recipe. You can whip one of these babies up in under 20 minutes and you will not regret it (although I had to give mine away ((to the delight of my friends and neighbours)) because I was concerned I’d eat the entire thing).

Ingredients:

Base:

1 and a half cups of finely crumbed biscuits (I used arnott’s granita biscuits)
6 tablespoons melted butter
2 tablespoons sugar (optional)

Tart Filling

2 cans condensed milk
3 egg yolks
2/3 cup lemon juice
grated zest of 1 lemon (the more the merrier!!)
1 pinch of salt

Method:

Preheat oven to 180 degrees C
For the Base: Spray a pie dish with non-stick olive oil spray or grease with butter. Combine crushed biscuits, butter, and sugar. Press into prepared pie plate. Bake for 8 minutes.
For the Pie Filling: Using a mixer, mix the condensed milk, egg yolks, lemon juice and salt together. Beat on medium speed for 4-5 minutes. Pour into pie crust and bake for 10 minutes at 180 degrees celsius. Little bubbles will start to surface. Cover the crust if it starts to brown too much towards the end.
Chill in the fridge for at least an hour before serving.

Serve with ice cream, cream or all of the above….and coffee… all of the coffee.